A Brief Moment in TIme Read online

  How could I have imagined all that? And what’s become of Gavin? I’m assuming he’s still in prison. Kathryn longed to see him. She knew it must be hard on him too, their sessions having ended so abruptly.

  Then she thought of something else. If that day didn’t happen as I remembered, then what did happen? Did Gavin really profess his feelings for me, or was it just something I imagined? Did my own feelings for him get out of hand? If that’s the case, I have some work to do. How could I have fallen in love with a patient anyway?

  She remembered her thoughts as she drove back to the city that day. Right before the accident, she’d concluded that she needed to be open to the idea of dating again, that she was indeed vulnerable around someone like Gavin.

  How could I be so foolish?

  Knowing what her work was, she silently made a plan. First I need to remember what happened that day and then…she sighed. I have to put my feelings for Gavin in perspective. I have to deal with those romantic notions and remind myself it’s just the idea of being with someone again that’s so appealing.

  It was more than that. She knew now that she wanted someone like Gavin for a partner. It wasn’t just that he was irresistibly attractive, physically; he was attractive in other ways. She’d never met anyone, although her husband had come close, who had so totally bewitched her with their personality in such a short time. Meeting Gavin had awoken desires that were all but dead and buried, and for that she should be thankful.

  It seemed likely, now as she thought about it, that the whole thing was completely one sided. If he was never with me outside the prison, then I have no reason to believe he felt anything for me, she concluded, feeling disappointed. There may not be any issues of transference to deal with at all. Of course, when I meet with him again, I’ll know. She was confident she could read him, and at that point she could decide what steps to take in continuing her work with him.

  His file had likely come up before the parole board by now. She wondered if he’d gone home to see his family yet and how the experience had been for him. She was sorry she hadn’t been there to share it with him, sure that it would have been as exciting for him as she’d imagined.

  Kathryn was eager to see Gavin again, and that made her realize that time would be her ally. She obviously had feelings for him that she needed to deal with, not to mention the evocative memories now etched in her mind—memories she wished she could erase.

  THE PRISON GRANTED Gavin’s request, and he had an appointment to see someone that afternoon. He hoped Kate might miraculously appear before him, but also braced himself for the very real probability that it would be someone else. In any case, he wanted to talk about his concerns and discuss the issues he’d been stressing over. As he walked into the room, he was disappointed to see an older grey-haired man hold out his hand to welcome him. Listening to the man recite his credentials, he was reminded of how Kate had introduced herself in the prison auditorium.

  Suddenly he had an idea, and he honed it while the man asked questions. Gavin answered them briefly and shared his concerns about getting out of prison, but the man was less than helpful with his replies. Compared to what Kate had already taught him, this man’s advice was seriously lacking.

  Just before his time was up, he asked as casually as he could, “Have you heard of a woman named Kate Harding? I…um...read about her,” Gavin lied, “and I’m interested in her teaching.”

  The man looked blank for a moment, and then his face lit up. “You mean Kathryn Harding. Of course,” he replied. “Kathryn’s work—I should say her husband’s work—is renowned. It’s being taught in universities.”

  “Do you think it might be possible to see her?” Gavin asked, his mind miles ahead.

  “I doubt that, son; she was in a bad car accident awhile back. It was pretty serious. Last I heard, she was still in a coma.”

  “Sorry to hear that,” Gavin shook his head, trying to hide his reaction to the disheartening news.

  “I’m familiar with the teaching of course,” the man asserted. “To be honest, though, I tend to side with the critics on some of what she advocates. We could talk about it if you like.”

  “Oh, that’s all right. What you’ve said today has helped me a lot,” Gavin replied, stretching the truth. His counseling hadn’t helped at all, but the information he’d offered regarding Kate, upsetting as it was, had put everything into a new perspective.

  “Well, I’m glad I could help. I’d be happy to meet with you again if you have more concerns.”

  “Thank you.” Gavin shook his hand, glad to be done with the meeting. His mind overflowing with ideas, he couldn’t wait to put his newly formed plan into action.

  KATHRYN CRIED with delight as her friend entered the room. Adele ran to her, and the two embraced.

  “I was so afraid for you,” Adele admitted after they’d both dried their tears. “I sat here every day for weeks, talking to you, praying. They didn’t know if you’d make it at first.”

  Kathryn wasn’t aware that her condition had been so serious; the hospital staff hadn’t said much—other than it might take a few days for her full memory to return. She was eager for that to happen; she didn’t like the confusion she was currently experiencing or her inability to recall the “actual” details of the accident.

  “How are you?”

  “I feel...fine,” Kathryn replied. “I just can’t remember everything.”

  “That’s probably normal. What did the doctor say?” Adele asked eagerly. “How long will you have to stay in the hospital?”

  “Another week, maybe longer.” She responded to her friend’s inquiry, but Kathryn’s mind was on the things she so badly wanted to know. She hoped Adele could solve the mystery.

  “Adele, I can’t stop thinking about Gavin,” she confessed. Kathryn was willing to talk about her feelings with her best friend, knowing she could help. “I really got attached, I guess, and I can’t help but wonder how he’s doing now. Did you take over any of my students? How is the program going, anyway?”

  Adele stared at her for a moment, looking confused. “Kathryn,” she shook her head. “I’m sorry…I have no idea what you’re talking about. Who is Gavin, and what program?”

  Hot coals began to sizzle in the pit of Kathryn’s stomach. She knew Adele wasn’t joking by the look on her face, but she couldn’t understand why her friend and colleague would deny knowing about Gavin or about the program she’d been such an integral part of.

  Kathryn had to fight back tears as she repeated slowly and carefully, “The prison rehabilitation program. We started it weeks before the accident. Of the ten men I counseled, Gavin was the first to be granted a temporary pass. I was with him the day of the accident...at least...I thought I was...they told me I was alone in the car.”

  Adele grasped Kathryn’s hands and stared at her intently before speaking. Then she shook her head sadly. “I don’t know what to say, sweetie,” she shrugged. “We didn’t get approval for the program, but don’t worry; we can try again.” She smiled, trying to brighten both their moods. “They can’t say no forever.”

  “But…” Kathryn could hardly speak; every word seemed to catch in her throat. “We started it…the rehab program…we started it at Swenton. We got the approval. Dave and Norm, you and I...we started working with the inmates. We were making great progress. Gavin…”

  Adele closed her eyes, but several tears escaped. She continued to hold Kathryn’s hand as she shook her head again. “I’m so sorry Kathryn; none of that happened.”

  Chapter 15

  KATHRYN HARDING did exist. It was little to go on, but it was the evidence Gavin needed to prove—to himself at least—that he wasn’t crazy after all. It definitely lifted his spirits, although thinking of her lying in a hospital bed, seriously injured, pained him.

  I’ve come this far; I have to stay positive. She’ll be all right. She came to me for a reason and now…He wanted to believe she could be a part of his life one day.

 
Intent to carry out his plan, he went to use the phone to call his sister. “Sandy,” he said, pleased at the sound of her voice, “I’m glad I caught you at home.”

  “Hey, Gavin! It’s good to hear from you. Mom said you might be getting out on a day pass. Is that true? Have you heard anything yet?” The elation in her voice was clear.

  “No, I meet with the board in a couple of days.”

  “Are you excited?”

  “Yeah, and nervous—terrified actually. But I’ll deal with it,” he laughed, downplaying the topic. He wanted to ask a favor of his sister. “Can you do something for me; do you have a minute?”

  “Sure Gavin, anything,” she responded lovingly. “What do you need?”

  “Are you by your computer?”

  “I was just checking my e-mail.”

  “Can you search something for me?”

  “Yeah, what is it?”

  “It’s a name...Kathryn Harding.” Gavin could hear the clicking of the keys as he waited for her reply.

  “The name comes up on quite a few different sites. What do you want to know about her? Who is she anyway?”

  “She’s a psychologist. I heard about the work she’s doing, and I wanted to learn more about it.”

  Sandra read what she found about Kathryn, the research she and her husband had done, and the program she was trying to establish in prisons. “It says here that her husband died a few years ago,” Sandra continued. “There’s mention of an accident, but I’m confused…it sounds like she was in an accident.”

  “She was, not long ago. Can you find anything about that?”

  Gavin listened as his sister read from a newspaper article she found. It told the city and hospital that Kathryn was in, the date of her accident, and details that Gavin would rather not have heard.

  “Apparently she’s been in a coma, and the doctors aren’t sure if she has any permanent damage. That’s too bad,” Sandra added.” It sounds like she was doing really good work.”

  “Yeah,” Gavin agreed. “I thought so, too.”

  “I can research more if you like,” Sandra offered. “...about what she teaches. I’ll print it off and give it to you next time I stop by.”

  Gavin appreciated his sister’s help. She’d been supportive over the years, and they’d become close. She visited regularly, too. It had helped him cope, survive even, knowing his family was there for him.

  He thanked her and moved on to the next part of his plan. Now that he knew what city and hospital Kate was in, he called to see if they would give out any information. As he inquired, saying he was an acquaintance of Ms. Harding’s, he was put through to the ward she was on.

  “Ms. Harding has come out of her coma,” a woman’s voice informed him. “I don’t have the authority to give out further information, but you can leave a message for her if you like.”

  “Oh...I,” he stuttered, realizing he hadn’t thought out his little scheme carefully enough. “I don’t want to bother her.” He was about to apologize and hang up but at the last minute decided to leave his name.

  He hung up the phone, astounded at what he had just done. She’ll have no idea who I am, of course. But if I ever get to meet her in the future, he justified, I can say I’m the Gavin that inquired about her. It was a connection, and it felt good.

  He went over the information he’d acquired. She was no longer in a coma and was obviously able to receive messages; that was a good sign, although she may have suffered other injuries in the accident. She was well known, or at least her late husband was for the work he had done. That in itself was interesting news; she was a widow. Gavin hadn’t given much thought to her marital status. Even though she wore wedding rings, it didn’t seem to be a barrier between them in his dreams.

  He wondered what it all meant. It was clear that he was being a bit obsessive in his quest. He had no idea what they’d talk about if they did somehow meet. He would sound like a lunatic if he told her he had met her in his dreams, and even worse if he admitted that he was in love with her. They’d lock him up again, only this time it would be in the psychiatric ward.

  KATHRYN PEPPERED her friend with questions all that afternoon and in the days to follow. Adele answered as many as she could and shook her head sadly at the rest.

  Adele has no idea who Gavin is. The truth of it was finally sinking in. Of course, if the program never took place, Kathryn sighed, then Gavin doesn’t exist at all. The whole thing has been a figment of my imagination, a story to keep me going while I was in a coma.

  It was a reasonable answer—one Adele had suggested and the only one that made sense. She had agreed that it was Kathryn’s way of telling herself she was ready to love again. The part that blew Kathryn’s mind was how real it felt and how the “reality” could be so powerful that it blocked out the memories of what did happen.

  According to Adele, she’d been on her way to meet with the dean of the university when the accident happened. She’d been T-boned by someone running a red light. Kathryn’s family had pressed charges, and the driver, who had been drinking, was now doing time for his offense.

  It seemed ironic that the woman he hit was someone attempting to rehabilitate prisoners. Kathryn wondered what she’d say to the man if he ever came to her for counseling. Ultimately she knew. The accident was her creation as much as it was his. It was a match to both their vibrations, and for that she could hold no malice.

  She questioned what her family hoped to gain by taking the matter to court. Probably reimbursement for the pain and suffering they’ve endured, she mused sarcastically. It was typical of them, but she didn’t want to dwell on it.

  She thought again of the wonderful family she’d created for Gavin in her dream world. It made sense that she’d create them the exact opposite of her own self-serving, dysfunctional family. She hoped to meet people like the McDermotts one day—hoped too that they might have an amazing son like Gavin.

  The nurse came in, interrupting her thoughts, and began to change her intravenous. They had removed all but one tube, and the doctor informed her she’d be free of it the following day. She would then begin physiotherapy. She’d broken bones in the accident: her leg, her ankle, and several of her ribs. They had healed, but spending nearly two months bedridden had taken its toll on her body, and she needed to regain her strength.

  The woman was about to leave when she stopped, reached in the pocket of her smock, and pulled out some slips of paper. “Several people inquired about you today,” she informed Kathryn. “Oh, and one of these is a few days old. Sylvia was on duty.” The nurse rolled her eyes, indicating she didn’t think much of the woman. “She put the paper in her pocket and forgot about it. I hope it wasn’t important.”

  Kathryn thanked the nurse and then looked at the papers. They had the date printed on the top corner, and as she shuffled through, she noticed the one with an earlier date. As she looked at the message, however, the color left her face. The piece of paper contained two simple words: Gavin called.

  THE VERDICT WAS IN, and Gavin was in shock from the news he had received. Just as he’d sat waiting for his verdict almost eighteen years earlier, Gavin waited again that morning for the parole board to make an important decision about the course of his life. They must have liked what they heard in the interview, because instead of telling him he was eligible for a day pass every couple of weeks, they saw fit to grant him full parole. Gavin wasn’t sure how he responded. He might have mumbled a thank-you; he couldn’t remember.

  The spokesperson for the small group of men and women explained that given his exemplary behavior and the fact that he had a home to go to and a family that had shown support consistently over the years, they were releasing him to his family’s care. It would be house arrest, in essence, and he would have to report to a parole officer every two weeks. He wasn’t allowed to travel more than two hundred miles in any direction from his farm. He had a number of other restrictions as well, such as abstaining from alcohol and drugs, but Gavin understoo
d the reason for their concern.

  There were plenty of rules to abide by, but he didn’t care. He was going home! His parents had been notified and were on their way to pick him up. His prison term was officially over. He had a couple of hours to gather up his stuff and say goodbye to the other men before he met with the warden one last time. He could sum up how he was feeling in a word. Numb. What was happening didn’t seem real. Although, from what he’d learned about reality, that didn’t surprise him.

  Saying goodbye was difficult. Expressing emotion wasn’t something prisoners did, but he could see it in the eyes of the men that he called his friends. It was hidden behind jokes and slaps on the back, but it was obvious they cared and obvious they believed they’d never see him again.

  The warden had a few kind words to say. He’d been a fair man, and Gavin respected him. After that, as Gavin sat alone in the warden’s outer office, he couldn’t help but look back on his time at Swenton. As he did, a desire began to grow. He knew—had known for years—that he wanted to give back and make amends for the crime he’d committed. As he sat waiting, an idea began to take shape in his mind.

  He would be coming back. He didn’t know when or how, exactly, he simply knew he’d be back. He wanted to help others with what he’d been given. First, however, he would need to learn all he could about Kate’s program, her unique teaching. Then he’d look into coming back as a volunteer to help the men at Swenton.

  Maybe this is the reason for my dreams, he contemplated. Maybe I’ve been selfish, thinking this is only about a relationship with Kate. I’ve learned so much, and now I’m in a position to share that information with others. I could be a mentor to the other men, encourage them and pass on what I’ve learned.