A Brief Moment in TIme Read online

  “And I’m thirty-six,” he responded with passion evident in his voice. “I’ve spent nearly eighteen years in prison for murder. As much as I love kids, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have them under those circumstances. How do you explain to a child that his father killed someone?”

  Kate hadn’t thought of it from that perspective but could understand his concern.

  “I’m so sorry, Gavin. I’ve only been thinking of myself. We’ll work this out.”

  “While we’re on the subject,” his voice softened, “I was wondering...why didn’t you have kids? I mean…were you not able to or was it a choice?”

  “Both, really. I always thought I would one day, but Kevin and I were so caught up in our work. The year before he died, I started thinking more about it. You know, the biological clock ticking and all that. I stopped using contraceptives, but nothing happened. Now I’m not sure I can conceive.”

  “But you still would,” he looked at her optimistically, “…if you could?”

  She sighed. To be honest, if she was suddenly presented with the opportunity to have children, she was quite sure she would take it. But there was so much more to consider now. She looked at Gavin, trying to read his thoughts.

  “I think so,” she admitted.

  “Then marry me.” He took her hands again. “And let’s let whatever happens, happen. If we’re meant to have kids, we will. We’ll find a way to explain all this to them. Who knows,” he paused to smile, and Kate loved him more in that moment than she ever thought possible. “Maybe there’s a little soul waiting up there—someone who just happens to want an ex-con for a father and a wise, mature, accomplished woman for a mother.”

  She had to laugh at his delightful picture. When he talked, things made so much sense. When she was with him, all potential problems faded away, and the future became a bright, well-groomed path waiting for them to walk down together. She wanted more than anything to take that path. Her heart was already there calling her forward, urging her on.

  He looked in her eyes, waiting for her response. Still, she hesitated. Her rational mind wanted to have its say. How can I agree to marry someone I’ve known only two days? she argued.

  Taking the other side of the debate, she countered, Well, that’s not really true; I’ve known him so much longer than that. But what will people say?

  Since when have I cared what other people say? I need to do what’s right for me. Can I trust my heart, though? Can it really be that simple?

  She knew the answer to her questions, and she knew the answer she wanted to give Gavin. Every fiber of her being was screaming Yes!—quickly drowning out the weak objections that common sense had tried to bring up. She looked at him and smiled.

  “Well…?”

  “Well, what?” she teased, wanting to hear his proposal again.

  “Kathryn Harding…” Still holding her hands, he went down on one knee beside the sofa. “Will you marry me?”

  “Yes,” she said faintly, then repeated it, leaving no doubt in either her mind or his. “Yes!”

  He gazed at her for a moment, love shining in his eyes, a mixture of joy and relief on his face. Moving to the sofa beside her, he picked her up effortlessly, cradling her in his powerful arms. Kate threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. She’d made her decision, and she knew without a doubt it was the right one. The rapture she felt in the moment was proof that she was indeed following her path to joy.

  Chapter 21

  GAVIN WAS LIVING a dream. He had just proposed to the most fabulous woman in the universe, and she’d accepted. Details needed to be discussed, of course, and decisions made—such as whether to tell his family right away—but he quickly dismissed the thoughts and focused on kissing the woman he loved, caring only about the moment and how good it felt.

  “I can’t believe all that’s happened in such a short time, but it feels right,” he shook his head, astonished and overjoyed, as he set Kate down on the sofa.

  “I know,” she smiled dreamily. “And that means it is right.” She gazed at him lovingly and asked, “Do you want to tell your parents right away, or should we wait a respectable amount of time before we announce we’re engaged?”

  “What’s respectable?” he laughed. “An hour, a week, a month?”

  “I’m not sure,” she grinned. “But they’ll know something’s up just by the look on our faces. We should probably try to concentrate on work. We can go over the files I started on the men nearing their parole dates.”

  “You’re probably right; we should,” he agreed. “But I’ll really have to concentrate. With you here beside me, agreeing to be my wife, all I can think of is how much I want to make love to you.”

  “Me, too.” Kate stroked Gavin’s face.

  Gavin knew his mom would be in soon to make lunch, and as much as he wanted to hold Kate and kiss her endlessly, he knew he had the self-control to wait. They would create more opportune moments, but for now, the work they’d planned to do together was important, too. He moved a reasonable distance from her on the sofa and smiled, “Let’s get to work.”

  By the time Carol returned, they’d discussed more than half the men that had been in Kate’s sessions. Her organizational skills were impressive and the questions she asked, thorough. Gavin couldn’t answer them all, but the information he did provide excited Kate. He admired the enthusiasm she had for her work.

  Carol prepared a lunch of fresh produce from the garden, delicious potato salad, and cold chicken. Gavin had a healthy appetite, and his mom seemed to get immense joy from pleasing him with her culinary skills.

  Gavin tried to keep lighthearted conversation going at the table. It wasn’t difficult with Sandra’s girls present. They loved to be the center of attention as all kids do, and he enjoyed asking questions and teasing them. He had come to know the girls well in the short time he’d been home, and he loved them both dearly. The oldest seemed so grown up for her age and liked to engage him in various topics of conversation. The little one was able to pull his heartstrings with a smile or a blink of her eyes, and he was powerless to resist.

  He tried not to look at Kate, but when he did, he couldn’t hide the smile that wanted to light up his face. He realized it was a mistake to sit across from her; it was hard not to gaze at her the whole time. He decided to change the seating arrangement for their supper meal and have her beside him. Then all he’d have to resist was the urge to touch her or play footsies under the table.

  When the meal ended, Gavin was quite sure they had succeeded in hiding the news that in truth he was dying to share with his parents. He was confident that they would not only approve but give their blessing. However, he had to think of Kate, too, and decided that letting the idea of marriage settle for a few days would probably be best.

  Kate offered to help Carol clean up the dishes while Gavin played with his nieces on the living-room floor. Now that he and Kate had discussed having children, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He knew he shouldn’t get attached to the idea because she’d mentioned her concern about not being able to get pregnant. But he let his mind go there anyway. He liked the idea of a son, but he loved the reality of the little girls that were climbing on him; he knew he’d be thrilled to have a daughter.

  The women came into the living room, where Carol informed Gavin that Kate was a lovely girl. She thanked him for bringing her out to meet them and then announced that she and his father were taking the girls into town to see a matinee. The exuberant look on his face must have been telling. His mom gave him a look that conveyed her approval of Kate as well as her delight in offering the young couple time alone.

  After his parents left and Gavin was certain they were several miles down the road, he picked Kate up off her feet and held her in a loving embrace. He smiled as she wrapped her long legs around him, her full, billowy skirt not hindering her movement in the least. “You must have been thinking about this as much as I was,” he said, noting her eagerness as she unbuttoned his jeans.


  “Maybe,” she teased. “Or else I’m getting really good at reading your mind.”

  With their desire escalating quickly, they moved together down the hall and into the spare bedroom. The door barely closed before Kate’s passion reached a gratifying height and she moaned in pleasure. It was intoxicating to move inside her and feel her body respond to the sensations that were engulfing her. He was nearing a climax himself, but wanted to take her to even greater heights. Together, in the moments ensuing, they found a new definition for ecstasy. For him it was Kate in his arms, a part of his body, a piece of his soul—creating together the most heavenly experience known to man.

  “Oh God!” Kate cried, laboring for breath.

  Gavin was feeling the same but couldn’t speak; the glorious sensations were holding his body in rapture. Finally he leaned against the door, breathing heavily, and opened his eyes to look at the woman in his arms. “I love you so much,” he murmured.

  She responded, eyes bright with tears and a look that spoke volumes. They collapsed onto the bed and held each other for a while longer, silently savoring the intimacy, not needing words to communicate the fullness of their hearts. He hadn’t known it was possible to be such a part of another person that the lines of separation nearly vanished. He was truly happier in that moment than he had ever been, or had ever expected to be.

  The most exciting part was knowing they were just beginning their journey, at least this stretch of it. He was sure that they’d journeyed before, many lifetimes, many adventures—all as wonderful as the one they were embarking on.

  IT TOOK DELIBERATE effort on both their parts to return to the work they needed to do that afternoon, but Kate’s enthusiasm soon reemerged. The information that Gavin provided and the way the modifications to the program unfolded soon rivaled her excitement about her future with Gavin.

  Gavin’s parents returned home with the kids, and Sandra arrived shortly afterward. Gavin made the introductions, but for Kate it was a repeat. Sandra seemed excited about the work Kate was doing and began asking questions that Kate was more than happy to answer.

  “I’ve read quite a bit about your program and the philosophy behind it. It sounds remarkable. It seems to me that the men must come from varying backgrounds and environments, and they’ve all had different experiences. How do you deal with the kinds of issues that must come up and still stay on track with the program?”

  It was an intelligent question and one for which Kate was well prepared, having dealt with many critics over the years. She could sense, however, that Sandra’s question came from a place of pure interest.

  “Well,” Kate began. “Research shows that the factors shaping our lives, the paths we take, and the decisions we make are not primarily the result of the outer environment we’re exposed to, but rather the inner environment, the connection between our head and our heart, our mind and our soul.

  “Two people can be exposed to the same physical environments—even share the same DNA, in the case of identical twins—yet turn out to be radically different. Therefore we don’t see the past as highly relevant in a person’s life. How they feel in the present moment is the primary issue we address. The past can appear to have significant ramifications on the present, but our goal is to help them break free from that limiting mind set. We do it by dealing with their inner space.

  “Once change happens on the inside, that person is never the same again.” Kate glanced at Gavin and saw that he was smiling. “That kind of permanent change can’t happen through simply controlling a person’s outer environment, which is evidenced by the prison system in our country. I’m not an activist,” she clarified. “I don’t get into the politics behind it; I just see the prison system as a place to start, with people who are, in most cases, more ready and willing to hear this than the average person.”

  Sandra, obviously enthralled by the subject matter, appeared to be hanging on Kate’s every word. “That’s amazing. It makes so much sense, too. We’ve seen evidence of that in Gavin.” She smiled lovingly at her brother. “Keeping him in prison all these years was pointless because he found that inner change you’re talking about. He became a different person. We could see dramatic changes in him, even if the officials couldn’t.”

  “Many do find that connection on their own.” Kate couldn’t keep from looking at Gavin and sending him loving thoughts. “These men often come to their lowest point and cry out to whatever they perceive to be God or Source. Our work is to support or enhance that connection and give the men tools so they can continue to move forward, find confidence and identity, and ultimately reclaim their power.”

  “How do you do that?” Sandra asked, fascinated. “It sounds like something we could all benefit from knowing.”

  “There are plenty of ways to do it, but we’ve found specific tools that seem to work better than others. Of course, it depends on the person, but offering a variety of self-help methods allows each person to choose those that are right for them. Meditation is one that we’ve found to be invaluable in discovering and maintaining that inner connection. Teaching the men to view their emotions in a healthy way is important, too. There are so many screwed up ideas out there.”

  “Like the way boys are taught that crying is wrong?” Sandra offered.

  “That’s definitely one,” Kate agreed. “Or the idea that anger is wrong and needs to be suppressed. We teach people to use anger as a bridge, a way to take back power and move to a better feeling place. I also lead them through a process called the ‘Power Transfer,’ where the person can feel the shift physically as power moves from the source of negative emotion to the inner space they’ve created.”

  “This is going to change so many lives, Kate,” Carol interjected. She had been in the kitchen but was listening in on the conversation.

  “It already has,” Gavin added, beaming at Kate.

  “How does the Power Transfer work?” Sandra asked. “That sounds really interesting.”

  “Why don’t I demonstrate?”

  When Sandra nodded her willingness to participate, Kate instructed, “Close your eyes and think of a topic that evokes negative emotion whenever you dwell on it.” She knew the issue she wanted to address, but gave Sandra a moment to come up with something before she offered, “I felt negative energy when you talked about the prison system and the time Gavin spent there. Would you like to deal with that?”

  “Wow,” Sandra looked at her in surprise. “You picked up on that? You’re good.” She closed her eyes again, allowing Kate to continue.

  “Tell me a bit more about how you see the situation and how it makes you feel.”

  As Sandra began to elaborate, strong negative emotion surfaced. Kate started the procedure using a mental image to help Sandra understand that the emotion was nothing more than a powerful blockage to the well-being she could otherwise experience in that area. Once Sandra was able to visualize the negative emotion and feel the power it held, Kate’s words helped her imagine it returning to her body like a powerful wave. The process usually only took a few minutes, but in Kate’s considerable experience, it nearly always produced impressive results. This time was no exception.

  “Thank you!” Sandra bubbled with appreciation. “I had no idea I’d been holding on to that…or that it was affecting me in that way.”

  Kate had another technique she used regularly in her sessions. It was called “Moving up the Emotional Scale.3” By deliberately choosing different thoughts, her students could easily move from negative emotion, which left them feeling powerless, to more positive, power-filled emotion. Although not as stimulating as the Power Transfer, over time this process produced lasting results.

  “Now, when you think about the time Gavin spent in prison, do you feel different?”

  “Yeah,” Sandra nodded. “I don’t feel as angry.”

  “From there, I would guide you into even better-feeling emotions. It often takes a few sessions, but the goal is to be able to think of any topic and f
ind better feeling thoughts. For example, you may still feel frustrated or discontented with the idea. That’s normal,” she added. “But from there you could reach for thoughts of contentment or even optimism.”

  “Maybe,” Gavin offered. “You could think of the time I spent in Swenton as a learning opportunity, the time I needed to gain the perspective I have now. Instead of wasted years of my life, you could see it as productive.”

  “Is that the way you see it?” Sandra asked, tears glistening in her eyes.

  “Yeah,” he smiled. “I do. I’ve learned to view my time there as valuable, and appreciate it. It feels so much better than the resentment I held on to for years.”

  Sandy began to cry, and Gavin gave his sister a hug. Kate watched the interaction, touched by the closeness they shared. This was the family she had met in her dreams. They were every bit as wonderful, and she was thrilled knowing she’d be a part of it.

  Carol joined them in the living room, squeezing her son’s shoulder as he hugged his sister. Her face shone with love and pride, and her eyes brimmed with tears. After a moment, she cleared her throat and announced that supper was ready.

  Kate was surprised when Gavin took her hand and led her to the table. He pulled out a chair and once she was seated, sat down beside her.

  Sandra didn’t move from her spot; she stared at them, mouth open, obviously having had no idea that anything not work related was going on between them. Before she could speak, Gavin put his arm around Kate and asked a rhetorical question for his whole family to hear. “Can you see why I’ve fallen in love with her?”

  Joining them, Sandra began to laugh, although her wide eyes indicated she still hadn’t digested the news. “You’re in love? When did this happen?”

  Kate looked at Gavin to see if he would answer and noticed him hesitate. It was a tough question—one that Kate wasn’t sure how to respond to either. She was willing to take a stab at it, but Gavin clasped her hand, answering his sister.